The Beginnings

My life was not always the most cheerful experience when I was growing up. It was not always the life I wanted to live. Many times I wished I had been born as anyone else. It was not the life I most desired. It was the life that I did hate. I never wanted to be who I was. I often wished I could trade places with somebody more beautiful, popular, and from a wealthier sort of family. 

My childhood started off as all children develop. It was said that I was quite bright. I remember toddling to a tulip and being impressed at the sight of pollen. This is one of my earliest memories of being a little girl. The cicada beetles were humming in the background. This was before we moved to Brockville I would imagine. It may have been later because my Grandmother did not sell the house. We sometimes went back to it for general upkeep between different tenants. 

I was not the unhappy baby. It was when I got older that life got sad. It was not the life I would have wanted. My mother was very overweight. This was a source of experiencing second hand ridicule to the point that I developed a disdain for public laughter. My general nature towards people was very suspicious. It took a great deal of work to feel comfortable around people in general. 

When I was much older I was longing to have a change in terms of feeling comfortable in public situations. This is how I became exposed to my strange experiences. It was a book called The Artist's Way which I picked up to help me out. This book claimed to assist in eliminating artistic roadblocks. I thought it could help me feel less blocked in my life socially. 

In my mind speech was a form of expression. I could overcome the nervousness I faced enough to carry on conversations with people. The book would analyse experiences in life which taught us to stunt our creative potential. 

This is the book which I used to become less fearful about situations of the normal sort. Each day I had anxiety attacks as I tried to go out and live my life.