What The Angel Told Me

One of the problems in my existence is that I cannot get free of pain. This is how I met the father of my child. Falling in love is not quite the same thing. I was driven to him like a herd of cattle. I was cornered and caged into a life. This existence is not a normal one. My life is not like most. 

It is my life which I cannot discuss with common man most of the time. Their heads are full of rigid ideas which constantly define things. Personal prejudice makes them determine the appropriate emotional response. Few people listen to complex ideas and try to figure them out. 

My pain is hard to talk about because it is not a pain caused by anything physical of any sort. It is a very real sensation which causes me to make my decisions. I will feel pain inside of me because I am perceiving a negative thing. Some people cannot accept this. It is challenging to relate to them.

This world searches for easy answers. People want ideas that they can understand. People like to feel intelligent. They want to believe that all things can be related to by other people. We cannot listen to a foreign language and understand it right away. Some people cannot listen to my personal language and understand a word I am saying. 

It is not love which drove me to procreate. It was not an immediate love. It was merely a vague attraction which I did not have an intention to act upon. I was at a particularly place which is like a distant planet to many of you. Trapped inside something hard to explain to anyone. I was forced to do what I had done by an angel. 

This angel could be whatever you want it to be. It is an entity which talks through my own voice. I am forced to communicate with it without my willingness. I never invited this entity in. I never did any magickal working to have an entity communicate with me. I merely felt odd sensations. One day it started talking through my body. 

This entity took over my life because I allowed it a little more control when I was desperate. This was the beginning of a phase which was pleasant in many ways. The angel would communicate many things to do. The angel would tell me what food to eat. I was told to give up drinking. It was exactly 9 months later when I conceived. 

I am at the end of what I can take in terms of unusual feelings inside. My motivations are always analysed as if I based things on my own mind. My mother has been most annoying by acting as though I picked a rotten apple off of a tree by selecting someone for physical attraction. I did not select my child's father. The angel told me that it would be a love relationship with him. I merely accepted what the angel told me.