Becoming A Real Magickian

There are many times in life when pain can be understood. My own pain cannot become clear to me. I am happy at the idea of my future, yet there is unspeakable pain inside me. Listening to where the pain comes from is my method to survive. Many people believe this pain is something which comes from inside. 

My life was turned upside down by suggestions which led me astray. I know the psychiatrist was well meaning. She thought my pain was repressed anger. I could not understand my own feelings. It was as though I was possessed. All of these foreign emotions would tear inside my chest. 

I could not understand what to do about it. It was something that I could not put into place. My experience with psychiatrists probably slowed me down in many ways. There may be many helpful therapists, but this was not exactly the thing that I did need. I needed a different approach to understand this pain in me. 

This pain felt like the state other people were in. It felt like I was emotionally bonded to people. That their emotions were holding me back. Eventually in 2012 I was able to change my perspective dramatically. I stopped believing that the pain was repressed anger. This is when I gained control over my life. 

My feelings took my life into a new chapter. I was to abandon a powerless state. The magickian I knew that I was began to become my state of being.