Guided Along The Way

The air is electric with lightening as I close my day. There has been a bleak spring drizzle which did not prevent me from getting out to enjoy a walk on this day. I sold a couple of paintings to someone I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen with. Then I went about enjoying my day with fewer of the inner psychic pressures than I generally feel. It feels like I have been released from all that was holding me back. 

Over the years I have experienced many mystical, magickal, and spiritual things. I have been guided to this current place I am at which brings both joy and puzzlement to my mind. I have been on a particular path since the close of the year 2012. Year 2012 was the year that Obama was elected for his second term as president of the United States. I had been in Philadelphia on the night of the election. I spent election night crowded in the living room of a backpackers hostel sipping wine with virtual strangers. This was not an evening where I bothered with making sociable conversation. 

It is now 2016 as I type these words while silently observing the dramatic changes which unfolded in my life over that course of time. Much magick has entered my world. A world which is now changing as a parade of silly hopefuls compete to become the next president of the USA. 

My life is about to go through the next series of changes as I spend my very last month in this small bachelor apartment in Parkdale in Toronto. This apartment has contained me as I eventually emerged a new butterfly from a tight cocoon which had held me like a straight jacket. 

My bold start to my new life began as many chaotic events in the last legs of 2012 forced me to change into a new person. I was 36 years old at the time. Many years had I tortured and tormented myself with a very negative outlook which had become like quicksand. So slowly had I sunk into a world of disbelief in the future, utter despair, and complete hopelessness. As I exited 2012 I began to believe that there still was a chance for true magick in my life. 

Many people assume that a mystical life is one in which we grasp wisdom which can be readily applied in life. Falling into the mystical world is much like swimming in a cold lake. We must first become accustomed to the temperature. We must adapt. 

My first experiences as one who peers into the other side were quite fantastic. It seemed that a wonderful life had been laid out before me. It was believed inside me that I possessed profound gifts which would one day lead to a golden life. My sharp intuition I believed would guide me to a life of financial comfort and pursuing my dreams. I had embarked on a spiritual path and some otherworldly power had decided to open the veils for me. Surely I must have been special. Surely I must have been destined for great things. 

A life easily unfolding into something part of a grand picture was partially what I expected. In the paradox of reality we always have our shreds of doubt. While one side of our spirit believes that all is about to unfold into a grand scheme of perfection, there will always be the doubtful side which will not agree. 

My mystical experience was something I had to learn to navigate. It was like learning to ride a bike except that more humans know how to ride a bike than those who know about mystical experiences. Teachers were few and many could quite rightly be distrusted. In all of my experiences the greatest teacher was that of experience itself and perhaps the forces and angels which guided me along the way. 

Crossing The Threshold

Crossing over the threshold into a new life from which I can never return is where I am currently at. My marriage to a magickal life has been completed. There can be no breach to these bonds. My commitment to expelling every single regret has begun. Never again shall I succumb to the torture of falling prey to the tides of mystical torture. Torture is something which shall occasionally grip my soul. Never again may I allow it to make me afraid to be who I was meant to be. 

There are many things a girl might wish to be as she grows and develops into a woman. Never did I envision such a surreal existence taking over every ounce of my being and crushing away that person which society told me I should be. It was an escape from convention which was both delightful and anguishing. The ripeness of life experiences is enriched by the beauty of a battered and broken heart. Nothing moves the soul more than the pain of lamenting love. 

My magikal life has had me cornered in a world which very few people enter. I have been cast aside by the general public for not being normal enough to play their games. The language they speak is nothing to me but a curse which would torment my ears into an existence of monotony. Yet, there is still a realness in the mundane which I can also at times relate. Life is as much a paradox or series of contradictions as it ever was or will be. 

My destiny was laid out to me as a young girl. Hearing the faint stirring of a call to my consciousness I bolted forward with much enthusiasm into a mystical world. No longer am I that young girl who harboured such dreams of an idyllic life of fame, fortune, romance, love, and adventure. The life that was handed to me was demoralizing, yet provided me with the depth to peer beyond the surface to understand that the human race hurts. 

We all hurt from the emotions we feel and the lies we tell ourselves. In pleasant denial we exist wanting to believe that all we desire of life is attainable and true. Life contains so much more than what we wish to be true. Life can be darker than dark and lighter than light. 

I have stepped across the threshold. My marriage, my union, and my greatest partnership has begun. I shall become the very woman I was always destined to be. It started with my calling to envelope myself in the written word. This calling I shall live and glimmer in. It is for me to begin a new and bountiful life. 

My 40th birthday approaches in just a couple days. I am fresh with motherhood as my first born child sleeps in this half lit room which is soon dropping out of our existence and shall take over the life of a new mortal being. I am off to a new life of bright beginnings. My bags are packed with a fresh, new wisdom and an attitude which will provide well for me in the future. I am ready to enmesh my bones and body in the blistering summer sun. Baby Leota shall learn to toddle about in the backyard of the house in Greektown we are subletting over the summer. Bright things are in store for me and all who are of me. 

This day marks temperance in my life. I am combining that which is hot and cold into something delightful to dip my being into. The mystical waters in which I swim are beginning to become less choppy. I shall float on the surface and win the refreshment of a baptism of sorts. My body shall be cleansed of all that is impure. I toss away any sense of being a victim. I abandon all sorrow. The emotions I feel now shall be that of my own. If any shall chop into me with their own disarray of spirits I shall simply process the experience and then fly away like the mystical fire dragon which marks the year of my majestic birth. 

Those who abandon me have left me at the crossroads. I am left to skip ahead in the direction of my choice and experiencing that which was intended for me. It was intended for me to produce this magickal child. I was directed towards the conception by an entity which I communicate with via channeling. Never again shall I beat myself up over any mystical experiences and question my own sanity. There are many others out there who will question my sanity. I need not join their camp nor do I need to allow them to wound me. Forever I shall drown myself in sapphires and beautiful pearls. These mysteries are my domain. My domain is now where I dwell. I have crossed the threshold.