My interesting experiences have been like a cancer which has grown in my life for so many years. My life has been consumed by agonies which are traumatizing to try to explain. The utmost cruelty has been part of every moment as I have watched my dreams slide away. My existence had started out so beautifully. I never thought I would experience such unpleasant pains.
These words I type and recognize that each word can be twisted around. My experience is not one I am seeking help for. The help I receive has served to weigh me down. My existence has been consumed. It has been eaten for so many years by a feeling inside myself which can only be alleviated by methods not considered completely sane.
There is a risk of coming in contact with many people in this life. Their opinions could be the noose around your neck which chokes out your very life.
It is pleasant to feel life is becoming more meaningful in a spiritual sort of way. My feelings of magic and beauty were interrupted by something I am going to explain.
It was not anything I believed in. I never thought of things like angels, spirits, or ghosts. There was not much of a fear about anything happening like this. I never thought I would have a being communicating to me in this manner.
It was not what I wanted out of my experiences. I had not sought out anything more than help from a special book. A book to alleviate artist's block by working with some specific techniques. The book was very easy to obtain. It was a book on the best sellers list. This book was lauded for helping people become more creative. At the beginning of the book you sign a contract recognizing that progressing with this work may mean experiencing strong emotions.
This book is what created many changes in my life. This book led me to what I am today. It discussed ideas like coincidences leading us to our dreams.
I am going to tell everybody more about my story over the months to come. I was led into a relationship by an entity calling itself an angel. This angel I never tried to invoke. This angel began communicating to me when I was 25. I was having bizarre pains in my chest. I could let the pain out by allowing this entity to talk through my body.
It was something that will take a lot of writing to tell you all about. It was not as simple as that. Many changes happened and I was guided in a different way from what I would have expected a spiritual guide to do.
My story is somewhat bizarre. I have been plagued to the point where I am forced to write. This entity causes me such horrible experiences if I ever stop producing writing. These horrible experiences can be many things. I can experience perceptions that bother me throughout the day. I am forced to do what the entity commands me in order to be free of these pains. Many of you will think this sounds dangerous, but I am never asked to do much that is obviously bad. I am not asked to harm myself or others. My own psychiatrist understands that I can deal with this situation in my own way. She thinks that I am resilient and able to do my life without therapy or medication.
My trauma is not one that would alarm many of you. It is something that could happen to anyone. Many women may be abandoned by the father of their child. The challenging part of my situation is that the angel told me that this man was to be in my life for a long time. This is not anything that has happened. It has not been a positive experience with him at all. He lied to me and ran from the situation. He allowed me to believe that he was still interested in a romantic relationship.
This is something that does not surprise me on a level of logic. I know that he never seemed committed enough. He was someone to brag about his dishonesty being something that would get him out of situations. He bragged more than once about being deceptive in a way which paid off for him. Never did he say that he was anything more than a selfish person. He seemed to think being selfish about life is how a person finds their happiness.
The angel directed me to this person. The angel told me that I would not be at odds with him forever in the future. One day we would be married. This information does not strike me as anything which would happen. It would not seem like a positive situation for a relationship. What seems positive is to leave him out of my thoughts and meet someone with a more beautiful spirit.
I know that this situation causes upset in many ways. I am trying my best to not talk about it because people often can say upsetting things.
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